Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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