I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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