I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
