I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
