so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
