It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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