He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
