I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
