my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
