I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
