Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They are going to name an STD after you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
