Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
