It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize