weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize
