if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
