I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
