I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Operation Purity has been aborted
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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