I look better un-naked...
im six kinds of drunk right now
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
