i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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