this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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