this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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