as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
