Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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