im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
