There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
