i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
