I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's get the cat blown out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
