Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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