You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
