I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize