just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
