Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
