i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
