Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize