He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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