I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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