Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
