Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
