My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
