i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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