I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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