you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
