Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
