Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize