got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
