I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
