I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
