Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
