This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
