We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
