I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
