We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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