He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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