I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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