If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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