do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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