found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
