Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
time to smoke my breakfast
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
