So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
