and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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