return my video game
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
