dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
