I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
