I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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