I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
