She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
